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Post by terryhorton on Jul 15, 2014 5:58:40 GMT
Hello to everyone out there trying to come to terms with their loss... My name is Terry Horton, my mum passed away on 11/04/2014 after being diagnosed with terminal cancer sixteen months earlier.
I contacted Cancervive for support which they gave in abundance. I now belong to Cancervive and would love to offer support to anyone going through what I know is such a difficult time, in addition to being my mum's main carer during her illness, I also had to manage terrible conflicts within the family.
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Post by rainbow on Jul 15, 2014 18:36:08 GMT
Hi Terry,
Welcome to this forum. I am sorry to read you lost your mother for I know what that is like as I lost mine several years ago. It is so hard seeing some one you love slowly deteriating. I felt so helpless as there was nothing much I could do except to offer support and love. I found some people thought I should have got over my loss within a few weeks. In reality, even now I still miss her now and I dont think we ever get over losing a parent. It's more a question of we have to learn to live with our loss, however hard it may be.
I have found that some people find they cant talk openly and honestly to family members about their loss so this forum gives us a place where we can come and talk to others who know what its like.
Thank you for having the courage to come on here and for offering to help others. Best wishes Rainbow.
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Post by butterfly on Aug 12, 2014 18:33:05 GMT
Hello to everyone out there trying to come to terms with their loss... My name is Terry Horton, my mum passed away on 11/04/2014 after being diagnosed with terminal cancer sixteen months earlier. I contacted Cancervive for support which they gave in abundance. I now belong to Cancervive and would love to offer support to anyone going through what I know is such a difficult time, in addition to being my mum's main carer during her illness, I also had to manage terrible conflicts within the family. |
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Post by butterfly on Aug 12, 2014 18:42:47 GMT
Hi Everyone, I lost someone close to me about six months ago and despite everyone telling me time heals, my grief is still not getting any less, if anything it is getting worse. Also people close to me seem to think I should be over it by now and they appear to have got over it weeks ago and now seem unsympathetic.
Am I wrong in feeling like this?
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Post by rainbow on Aug 13, 2014 9:32:51 GMT
Hi Butterfly,
Welcome to the forum and thanks for having the courage to share your feelings with us. What you have written is something I felt when I lost my mother and have also heard from several other people many times over the past few years. I think when we lose someone we love, for the first few weeks our loss doesnt realy sink in. It's only after a few weeks or even months that the enormity of our loss sinks in. I will be perfectly honest with you Butterfly, I dont think we ever completely get over losing someone close, for it leaves a hole in our lives that can never be filled. It's more a matter of learning to readjust to a way of life that will never be quite the same. I hope I dont sound downbeat, but I do want to be honest with you. Be assured, I feel sure the person you lost would not want you to spend the rest of your life grieving for them, and would want to go remember the good times you shared and I feel sure there are plenty to remember.
You also mention that other people seem to think you should be over your grief by now and seem unsympathetic. Please dont be to hard on them for they may be feeling just the same as you but are good at hiding their feelings. Some people find it hard to talk about how they feel which is why forums like this are good places to come, for on here we can talk anonamously to people we may never meet about our inner fears and feelings.
You are not wrong to feel like you do, trust me, it's a perfectly natural reaction. The closer you were and the more you loved someone, the more grief we feel, but trust me Butterfly, it will get better I know, for I am a lot further down the line than you, losing my mother over eight years ago.
Please feel free to come back on here anytime and I hope what I have written helps you.
Please take care, best wishes, Rainbow
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